The Forgiveness Process
Part 12 | Letting Go and Moving Beyond
Introduction
When this series began, I wrote the following: “What’s so hard about forgiveness? If you want to know the truth: Everything! From beginning to end it can be the most difficult process ever undertaken by some, very difficult by others, and a real struggle for all the rest. Forgiveness is foreign to our fallen human nature even though it is at the same time the absolute center and heart of Christian faith. Look at the world around us that lives on revenge and getting even. Here we are, thousands of years after the coming of Christ, and we still think we can solve life’s problems by anger and getting even instead of forgiveness and reconciliation. Will we ever learn?”
Now here we are in Part 12, wrapping things up and assessing what all this means and how it needs to impact our daily walk through life. If we have allowed God’s grace to take over and for His Spirit to be in control of all the circumstances in our lives, then it is indeed time to “Let Go and Move Beyond” what once bound us as the offended and the offender. In Part 11 with the journey of Margaret, grace allowed her to let go and begin moving beyond. That is what God wants to have happen to all His children. But achieving that is a work of grace many never discover. This does not mean God is unable to deliver us. It means, for whatever reason, we have not chosen to participate in that deliverance. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Part 11 | The Forgiven Learning to Forgive
Introduction
If I were to list all the things God has forgiven me of, not only would it be a long volume with many parts, but you would soon tire of reading of sin number umpteen coming up over and over again. You’d begin to wonder was I that slow of a learner, or why didn’t I learn and get my act together? And you’d be right. But at the end, wherever that might be, Jesus Christ would pen one simple sentence: “Father, put all this on My account.” It would all be marked “Forgiven!”
You would think that with such a record, there would not be a single offense of a single person who had offended me that I would even think twice about forgiving them. It should arise spontaneously. After all, look what I have done to God, and all of it has been forgiven by Him. But you and I both know this is not how human nature works. It is only grace that can operate at such a high level. And that is the level to which Jesus Christ calls each of us. “To forgive those who sin against us just as He has forgiven us for sinning against Him.” This is what the Lord’s Prayer is all about, is it not? (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Part 10 | What True Forgiveness Looks Like
Introduction
True forgiveness is a life-changing, redemptive, relationship change that takes those involved to a new and higher level of relating and in many cases brings them into the experiencing of God’s grace in ways never before experienced individually and collectively. It has God all though it and as a result what is experienced enjoys His peace and a new level of understanding what His grace is all about. It blesses all who are connected with it or share in the story of its rebirthing.
With that in mind, it becomes obvious that not a lot of true forgiveness takes place. We might choose to label it as forgiveness, but it falls far short of what is listed above. If what is taking place does not result in restoration and new life shared by offender and offended, then it becomes obvious the Holy Spirit is not in charge of the process. The true meaning of forgiveness is the expiation (complete removal) of the offense so the relationship can grow and move ahead. This does not mean all memory of the offense has been removed but it does mean the offense is not allowed to control the relationship as it once did. The presence of God’s peace within the process tells us the Spirit is in control. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Part 9 | When the Process is Blocked
Introduction
There are time when forgiveness cannot and should not be offered to an offender for to do so would undermine the focused relationship God intends to be present between you even though it is presently fractured by the offense that has been committed. When the offender is unwilling to enter into the Forgiveness Process in good faith, or is not concerned about the outcome and its impact on the offended, to say “I forgive you in spite of your lack of repentance,” does nothing for the relationship and especially for the offender in owning up to the offense. You can work it out between you and the Lord, who knows your willingness to forgive, but to offer it when unaccepted by the offender is to cast “your pearls before swine,” as Jesus expressed it. It is not yet time to offer that person your gracious gift. You are taking away from the offender the accountability that is part of that person’s healing and potential wholeness. Keep the door open between you. Never close the door. But wait for the contrition and confession to form and find expression. You’re not holding that person’s feet to the fire; you are hoping they will allow God’s grace to work in their lives. He is the One they are fighting. Allow the Holy Spirit time in which to bring them under His influence and guidance. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Part 8 | How Forgiveness is Made to Happen
Introduction
There are three sides to the Forgiveness Process: there is the side of the offended; the side of the offender; and God’s side who sides with the offended, the offender, and the entire Forgiveness Process itself. God has a vested interest in all involved, whether they recognize Him in it or not. He gave His Son to provide the forgiveness we all need, and whatever the offense that is involved in this process, He wants us reconciled, forgiven, restored, and fully alive with the grandeur of God. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Part 7 | Dealing with the Hurt/Pain/Anger/Loss/Aftermath
Introduction
Whenever we sustain an offense – the deeper the offense, the deeper the reaction – the first thing we need to do is make a reality check. Our natural instinct may be a knee-jerk reaction, an immediate questioning of “Why me?” or worse, to catastrophize and want to strike out in self-defense. This is no time for irrational thinking to take over, but an honest assessment of what has happened and what does it mean. The blame-game is part of our culture and if allowed to take over, a relationship that has been traumatized can be injured further, and the new injury may close the door for any real reconciliation and understanding to materialize. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 1 so far )Part 6 | Forgiveness Costs and Look Who Pays
We lived next to the center of our small New England hometown and had a large front yard so local kids congregated there for a ball game after school. Our Dad had only one rule: make it softball, not baseball. Well, on this particular afternoon, I was at bat, my brother Jack was pitching, and we were playing baseball, not softball. Dad was at work, so we thought. Jack threw me a strike; I connected with the ball, and it left the yard traveling over the hedge separating ours from the neighboring property and went through a second story window of the Doolittle Women’s Rest Home next door. Just as the window shattered and I headed for first base, Dad came around the corner and caught us in the act. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Part 5 | God Never Said It Would Be Easy, but. . .
It was 2:30 in the morning when Ruth was jarred awake by the ringing of her bedside phone. As she reached for it in the darkness, she knew instinctively good news does not normally come calling at 2:30 AM. Her first thoughts before finding the receiver were: Is it one of the kids or one of the grandkids in need? Or is it my husband, away on a business trip and due home later this morning? Or is it some drunk, fumbling his way home after the bar closed and can’t find his car keys? Hopefully, it’s a wrong number, and as unnerving as any call at such an hour, that was what she hoped for. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Part 4 | The Forgiveness Process and How it Works
Relationships are so precious and needed that when they are broken and disrupted, nothing else seems the same. Our inner self cries for healing, reconciliation and a restoration to harmony. But for that to happen, the offense that created the disharmony and violated the relating has to be dealt with. To achieve this there is a time-tested and heaven-sent way of dealing with it. Of all the models I am aware of, none works better than the one Jesus has given us in Matthew 18. After all, who knows more about the forgiveness process than the Originator? (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 1 so far )Part 3 | Reality Testing Offenses: Real and/or Imagined
An offense is something that is done that disrupts a relationship in such a way as to injure the offended, cause alienation that breaks the harmony that had been present, and puts the future of the relationship in jeopardy. You can think of many offenses that would fall into this category and you can imagine the pain that results from such an offense. We grew up learning about them, even experiencing them, and none of us have any real shortage of encounters to focus on that include offenses, serious, and sometimes even deadly serious. (more…)
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )« Previous Entries
Ministering to God's Forever Family 